Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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