We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
