Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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