If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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