was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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