Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
