I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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