I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
