you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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