The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
did i just pee glitter
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
