Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
