Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
