i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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