i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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