if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
