I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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