i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So vagazzling was a success
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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