I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Go christen that room with your naked body.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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