You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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