She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
you had me at cake vodka
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
