Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
