I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
