omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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