i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
