just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
