Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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