somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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