This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
