and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
