god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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