i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
