after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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