Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
