Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
