So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
