Can Purell be used as lube?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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