people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
So here I am, sexting at work.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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