the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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