it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
