i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
