There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
you never un-have a 4some
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
