He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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