I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
