In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
