You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
