U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
