i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
