I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
