you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
