Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
